A Singers Death一个歌手的死亡

October 18th, 2002, a sad day to most fans, for their idol Luo Wen left them forever. It's really bad news to the HK music circles, as well as to me.
        Luo Wen, in my mind, was always strict with himself in his singing career.  His early song were all vigorous and inspiring,partly for the special social environment at that time.  Later, as the idol singers came up one after another, the old songs were not fit for the young fans, so he tried to change his style.  And these years, he began to help some new singers to improve their skills. His songs were so influential that the HK Minister of Finance even used one to encourage all the citizens to work hard to gether and overcome the difficulty bravely.
       Unfortunately, about two years ago, the news that he got cancer flew into our ears. However, he still went on singing and teaching. He had been struggling with the disease until the last minute. As the newspapers reported, he didn't close his eyes when he died. Someone said it was because he had a wish unfulfilled. He had hoped to give the last performance in HK in September, but his illness prevented him from doing that. It may be the biggest regret in his life. It's also said that he only weighed 32 kilograms at the end of his life. You can't imagine how much he had suffered from the disease. But every time we saw him in public, he was wearing a smile.
       The next day, many newspapers reported his death and simultaneously praised him for his contribution to the HK music circles and his spirit of struggling against the disease. He set a good
example for those young people who don't value their lives.

简  评
    在香港歌手罗文因病逝世之际，作者写了这篇文章，表达了对罗文的深切哀悼。文中，作者综述了罗文对香港歌坛的贡献，如在演唱风格上他不断地变化创新，致力于培养乐坛新人，他对公众的影响力等，颂扬了他与疾病做斗争的顽强精神，最后作者号召大家珍惜生命的价值。字里行间流露出作者对罗文的喜爱，对他不幸逝世的惋惜和对他人格的敬仰。
    文中的一些具体细节和例子使文章生动不少，如香港财政司长用他的歌来鼓舞市民努力工作，克服困难；他因未完成最后的心愿而死不瞑目；他在饱受病魔折磨之际仍然面带微笑地出现在公众面前等。
    但这篇文章在构思上的一大缺陷是由于对罗文的介绍涉及了多个方面，均是一笔带过，泛泛而谈，没有具体的展开，使文章显得较为空洞、缺乏主题和深度。如果能就其中的某一点层层深入展开论述，人物的形象会更加鲜明、饱满。文章的主题会更为明确，更为深刻。
    此外，文中还有几处表达显得生硬，如第三段中the news that he got cancer flew into our ears不符合英语的表达习惯，可改为word came that he had cancer。还有his illness prevented him from doing that，最好改为he was too weak to do that。